Gramps vs. the Gremlin

Here we are, amid a global pandemic, less than two months away from what feels like the most pivotal election of my lifetime.

In one corner, the Gremlin, the incumbent president, a cartoon conman who stokes discord and division while actively eroding the national intelligence, who traffics in capital-L Lies, conspiracy theories, and racist/McCarthyistic tropes, claiming with dictatorial panache that those who oppose him are Un-American, or Communist, or possibly even pedophiles. Mr. I’m rubber, you’re glue, what you say about me may be documented and true, but I’ll still try to bounce it off me and stick it on you.

In the other corner, Gramps, the former Vice President, a career politician whose candidacy so unnerved the Gremlin, he blackmailed the president of Ukraine, leading to the Gremlin’s impeachment. A legacy lawmaker with a conflicting record, some of which can be interpreted (generously) as the evolution of personhood and positions over time. Who, before the ascendancy of the Gremlin, was recognized by the vox populi as a friend of law enforcement and advocate for the working class. If elected, he will work to repair Gremlin- damaged alliances, give aspirational speeches touting the importance of ethics and character, assemble an experienced cabinet, yet offer conciliatory but mostly empty gestures — lip service—to those seeking police, healthcare, and immigration reform. I envision the first year of Gramp’s presidency as the U.S Rehabilitation Tour, the first stop being the implementation of a national strategy to combat COVID, the second, trying to rectify the fallout from four years of the Gremlin’s inflammatory rhetoric, i.e attempting to be the president of one country.

It’s hard to feel passionate about Gramps when what you want for this country is so easily reframed by the Gremlin as something it’s not —something radical and rights-infringing. It’s hard to feel passionate about a Gramps presidency when what you want must be watered down, neutered, because what the Gremlin does so expertly is exploiting people’s fears. It’s hard to feel passionate about Gramps, yet it’s easy to feel terrified by the specter of four more years of the Gremlin.

Truth as a remedy for discord, truth as triage, was traded for tax breaks, a ragtag border wall, the right to deny a transgender person medical benefits, the allure of policing women’s bodies, and the appeal of degrading communities of color.

Whatever the outcome of the election, the Gremlin’s ascendancy comes with a scrolling chyron message underneath it, and it says: You don’t have to be smart. You needn’t espouse nor demonstrate anything resembling character. You don’t have to tell the truth, not even in a pandemic, with over 200,000 dead. You can be a buffoon choking on your own idiocy, but if you’re rich and white and loud and savage, there are people, lots of them, who will continue to want to reward you with power. Who believe that humans with these bona fides are best suited to decide how they live and if they die.